Love Notes From Adriane

So lets dig deep and talk about a small fear I have slowly started to recognize. Ya’ll I’m scared to have children. No, I’m not afraid of being pregnant and the going into labor part. NO, I’m selfishly afraid of the life changes that will transpire. Let me be clear and say yes I want to be a mom, and yes I want to create a bundle of love with my husband… But I find it hard to imagine myself changing my entire life. Let me elaborate.

One of the things that makes me uneasy about being a parent is the life changes and sacrifices. I hear stories from friends with children and how they have no down time to themselves. They leave work only to go home to the assignment of being a parent. Reading books, checking homework, cooking dinner, doing multiple loads of laundry and even spending all their hard earned money on daycare and after school activities. The thought is exhausting! If any of you are anything like me, you get off work to go home to relax. Maybe grab a glass of wine, eat dinner, catch up on some shows or even work on a dream/hobby. I have grown accustomed to being able to get in my car and go, that I have a little apprehension about my social life. I don’t want to be one of those moms whose life revolves only around their children. They become servants to their children’s wants and needs and relinquishes what makes them who the are. Now that I’m in my late 20’s, I have just started to be comfortable with who I am.

My marriage changing plays one of the most pivotal roles in my uneasiness. I have heard multiple stories in how children change the dynamics in many relationships. Not having the time or attention for one another frightens me. In the last six years Dom and I being together, its only been us. We have mastered the art or cleaning up behind ourselves, giving one another space and keeping things spicy by having weekday dates, random traveling adventures and even doing Netflix in chill until the wee hours of the morning knowing we both have to work the next day. Those things have cultivated our relationship to what it is now and I know a child will impact all of that.

FYI – this was a little transparent moment. Don’t go judging me. Judge your momma!