Love Notes From Adriane

When Dom and I decided we wanted to be parents, I stopped taking my birth control and was hoping I would be pregnant in no time. Every month I tested with high hopes only to be more and more disappointed as the months passed.

When I decided to see a doctor to see what the issue may be, I never thought it would be infertility issues. When you come from a family where your paternal grandmother has 4+ kids and a maternal grandmother who has 10+ kids, I thought getting pregnant would be easy.

But… Infertility has taught me some important things about myself.

1. Relinquishing control – I’m a control freak. Does that surprise you? It shouldn’t. During this journey I’ve had to take a back seat to control because I don’t have any. Timelines have changed at least 6 times and every time, I get more and more frustrated. This is definitely my lesson in learning to let go and allow God to move when he’s ready.

2. Other pregnancies – this may seem selfish to you but I struggle with pregnant women, baby showers, seeing babies, pregnancy announcements and even the baby aisle at Target. It’s not that I’m not happy for friends and family (let’s make that clear), but when you want something and your body can’t physically perform it naturally, it takes a hit to your mental. In the last few months I’ve been fighting extreme anxiety and depression.

3. Do your own research – with as many doctors, medications and test that I come across… I have to be careful and mindful of what is happening to my body at all times. Yes doctors go to school for this, but doing my own research has prepared me for some tough conversations and lead me to ask some great questions during follows ups, between procedures and blood work.

4. Your family won’t understand – when I first found out about my PCOS, I struggled to wrap my mind around it. I would tell family members only to get “I believe the report of the Lord” or “God is a healer.” I know he is all those things but I also know he put doctors on this Earth to help us. I can’t push away a diagnosis just because I believe in God. I’m thankful that God has kept me in my right mind to understand the issues and take the proper precautions to hopefully receive our miracle baby at some point.

5. Cost – although my insurance covers a majority of the procedures, meds and blood work, the cost of copays took a huge hit to my pockets. I’m thankful for what my insurance covers but wish it covered more.

6. My husband is a trooper – through all of this he has been there going to appointments, wiping my tears when the doctors give me bad news, picking up my meds, loving me through the weight gain and dealing with the mood swings. If you have never taken hormones you have no idea the mood swings and changes your body goes through. I’m thankful for his love, devotion and patience.

I just want to encourage other women to know that infertility is not a death sentence. God is still in control. Have faith, stay positive and believe. He will give you the desires of your heart.

Remember to be kind to one another.

Adriane